I'd like to share a more personal benefit of debt free living if I may. It is no longer a secret that Cole and I have been trying to start a family. We are continuing to build our emergency fund and with that comes a certain level of peace at least about the financial end of this decision to start a family. While we do not know when God will choose to grant us this blessing, we continue to prepare our home for it. In addition to attempting to educate ourselves on parenthood we are also preparing our finances for raising a child. While I feel we'll not be nearly prepared enough on either front, I am some what comforted by the fact that I had wonderful parents whose example we can follow and that we will at least bring our child into a debt free home.
Also, in our struggle with being unable to conceive, at the very least we now have the available cash to see the doctors we want to see. It also frees up our cash to be able to pursue any treatments we may want to seek out. Of course our heath insurance plays a major role in this as well. So far they have covered almost everything. Thanks Blue Cross!
In the meantime, we continue to trust God's timing for this child. It certainly is not easy. Both Cole and I have had some frustrations with our Heavenly Father about His delays, but we trust Him to be in control of our family plans. Cole often quotes an anonymous person who said, "Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser."
One of the treatments that insurance does not cover is stress management. Cole likes to relieve stress and frustration by painting the interior of the house. This weekend she has painted several walls in the house and is "feeling" much better. It was wonderful as a husband to be able to tell her this week that she could knock herself out and paint her little heart out. Don't worry about the money for paint and supplies. Get what you need and go at it. She did. It looks great and she didn't ask me to help! Perhaps I should call Blue Cross and see if they cover the paint as a stress management aid.
Maybe they would pay for my new netbook that I use for writing as well. That's how I like to manage my stress. I write. Sometimes it's this blog. Sometimes it is journaling or writing something else. Anyhow, I say it makes me healthier. Call it a preventative measure against heart attacks. What do you say Blue Cross?
I won't hold my breath on my alternative medicines. I just wanted to share this in order to illustrate how money management effects so many areas of our lives. Poor money management ends marriages, lives, and souls. On the other hand, good money management practices opens up communication in a marriage, blesses lives, and can contribute to saving souls as well. Right now our good money management is keeping money from being another stresser in our lives.
Truthfully, I sometimes wonder how much stress plays a role in disease, infertility, depression, and anger. Don't let money run your life. Be in charge of your money no matter how much or how little you have. It's not about the amount it is about the discipline of being a good steward with what God has given us to manage on His behalf.
Just got off Facebook Chat with your mother. I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, interesting post. We too had issues with fertility. After 35 years of marriage we have one child through biological channels. Our twins through adoption are just as much our daughters as is our one birth child. It is totally honest to say that I've fathered and my wife has mothered three children. Still, the twins came to us unexpectedly in our 17th year or marriage. God had led us to seek no further treatments for the infertility we suffered through together. We had prayed before our last round of treatments, that if the Lord would allow for it, we would be willing to accept a multiple pregnancy with great joy, a risk that was quite real considering the treatment we were subjecting ourselves to. Nothing came from that effort and we "let go of the rope." The following year our twins came to us, a sign, we believed and still do, that the Lord was preparing our hearts to accept these two beauties He knew were on their way. They were conceived at approximately the time we were failing. Interesting. Yet the outcome of their lives has been very, very painful and faith challenging. We often lay in bed crying, angry, frustrated asking the "why" question. So confusing at times. Yet, we give it to the Lord. His plan.
We pray for the two of you on this matter with "highly informed" prayer. It is very difficult, very. I would be most willing to speak with you on this matter personally. Suffice it to say, having finances off the table is a most important matter. That your insurance is excellent is such a blessing too. My greatest concern is, that as this project of hoping and working for a family unfolds over a period of time, that it not define who you and your wife are. There is huge frustration that comes. There is also an even greater amount of grief. It is this cycle of grief, hope, grief, hope, that takes a terrible toll. Be aware of this. Find someone that you can share this with, the closest of friends/family. But, share it with each other in prayer to the Lord too. The danger is that the cycle will become grief/grief/grief/grief. We must pray against this and not allow it!
Love,
Bruce
Bruce,
ReplyDeleteI greatly appreciate your prayers. We should have a conversation about this at some point. It seems everyone has an opinion and a story on the topic. But I know that yours is an authentic testimony. I would greatly appreciate your wisdom on the topic. We'll talk.
Dan
Dan,
ReplyDeleteWe will be in Chicago the first week of August, I think. Will have to check with Kristy. I'd be full of joy to be able to meet you if I can. We can also talk on the phone any time. It was but two weeks ago when Kristy and I talked about our infertility. She feels a deep sadness that we had but one biological child. Me too. It has nothing to do with our adopted children as we might have adopted even if we had had other biological children. It does not diminish our eldest in any way either. Kristy has the "feeling" of having a hole in her life of some sort. But, it has not stopped her from her living her life for Christ, she has not become bitter. Interestingly, having one birth child does not make the pain of infertility go away. This seems counter intuitive or a paradox, but it is true. Remember that it is no ones fault, that you are both infertile "together", that it is not a punishment for anything done incorrectly in the past, that you (husband) must be so, so tender with your wife. She will carry the greatest burden and this is the way it is AND IT ISN'T FAIR! So, consciously take on more than you think you can handle in this quest and love her all the more. She and you have nothing to prove to any one. Nothing! You owe no one, family or friend, anything but love. Also, be patient with those who say the "wrong" thing at the "wrong time" as they will hurt you....but it is never on purpose, always it's an accident. Those who haven't experienced this just can't understand and dumb things get said.
Love,
Bruce
P.S. So, "Just Relax"! Always hated that one the most. lol
Bruce,
ReplyDeleteI'd love the chance to get together. Send me an email when you know what your schedule will be.
Dan
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteJill sent me your blog a couple mos ago and I just got back to reading it today. WOW! God has grown us all SO much and I am thankful to read all about God's grace to you and Nicole over the years. Seriously made me tear up. Anyway, as I was reading some of your past posts(especially one about Uncle Tom), 2 Corinthians 1 kept coming to mind. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."
You are living out these verses so well.
I also wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you and Nicole and your struggle with infertility. We went through it for about 4 years and it was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I look back on it now and see God's grace throughout that time...teaching me to praise Him through grief and when He chose to take away. Learning a bit about satisfaction(such an ongoing struggle) in Christ alone. All that to say though, I do pray for you guys whenever I think of you. ;)
Thanks for transparency!
Melissa
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteThanks for those encouraging words. I appreciated very much that you spoke with Cole the other day as well! We miss you all!
Dan